Interpersonal communication is fascinating. There are so many things that affect the ways we interact with each other. Prior experience, personal preference, flexibility, values, and even just plain temperament all play important parts. For instance, you may be taken aback by someone’s rude remark, but maybe you didn’t know that a car ran over their dog this morning, and your comment about all dogs dying in books wasn’t appreciated. Maybe their relative was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Maybe they never learned how to answer nicely because they were never shown any love.
The question is, what are you going to do about it? “You can’t control the way other people react, you can only control your own actions.” The maxims of my childhood are once again returning to haunt me.
This is not to say that you should excuse every kind of bad behavior to some unknown cause, but rather, the way you react to such behavior can really set the tone of that relationship. The way you react to any speech is important (such as, if your parents say they love you, a blank stare and then ignoring them and walking away doesn’t spell out love or respect for them). But what do we do with these situations that challenge our natural reactions to be defensive, jumping to conclusions, distracted, argumentative, or angry? What do you do when someone corrects you? Accept it or stick to the fact that you are “right”? Do we have enough humility and self-control to react in a way that is a credit to ourselves (or to God, if that is who you recognize as authority)?
Furthermore, do we have the wisdom, discernment, and courage to step out of our comfort zones and correct people in love? It is such a touchy topic because not many people can gracefully admit when they are wrong- that’s why it is so refreshing when they do. I recently had a friend apologize not only to me but to several people because they felt as if their actions reflected poorly on themself (yes, I just used “themself” to protect identity). It is certainly necessary sometimes as I can tell you from a camp counslor’s perspective, but I feel it is even more difficult if they are a peer and not someone you are responsible for. Could you tell your best friend if they did something you didn’t like? How about your significant other? I also wonder where the line is drawn- I mean I don’t want to be knit-picky about details, but how do you address something that is not necessarily wrong, but just bothers you? I find that it is a matter of personal preference. We all would like our own way, but life is not about getting your own way.
I have to hand it to Christ for setting the bar on this one. He served others, took a lot of flack from others, yet He still corrected His disciples, and spoke truth.
“My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:11-12
We are corrected because we are loved, and it is by God’s standards we are corrected. With this in mind, if we are to love others the way Christ loved us, we should correct people if we love them and if they count themselves as Christ-followers who want to go by what He says.
“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians 4:14-15
Correction is necessary for spiritual growth. However, it’s important to remember to do so in LOVE, not with anger or lack of self-control. Unfortunately, a lot of people who aren’t Christians but have talked to them seem to think we are all judgmental, and frankly, quite rude. It’s true that absolute truth exists, and that we shouldn’t lie to people or tell them they are ok if they’re not, but yelling doesn’t have the same effect as logical thinking. It truly is up to them, and it is not us who persuades, but God through us as He desires. I couldn’t say it better than Paul does in Romans.
“9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Romans 12:9-21
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